


And to all a Good Night

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Excel Saga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-22
Updated: 2004-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 06:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1637684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Emergency Countermeasures Department has a Christmas party.  'Fun' quickly follows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And to all a Good Night

**Author's Note:**

> Written for aetherbunny

 

 

Quick note even though I'm not supposed to- Sumiyoshi's speech is in square brackets because that's how it occurred to me to do it! I apologize for the suckyness in advance ;_;

\--

And to all a Good Night

\--

T'was the week before Christmas and all through the Fukuoka City Emergency Countermeasures Department, Kabapu was busy finding ways to torment his employees, as was his usual routine. He called his team up to his office, and now he was busy 'surveying the landscape'.

Reclining in his chair, Doctor Kabapu took a slow look around. Iwata Norikuni. Sumiyoshi Daimaru. Watanabe Toru. Matsuya Misaki. Ropponmatsu 1 and 2. Not to mention secretary Momochi. Luckily for her, the esteemed Doctor Shiouji was missing, but even Kabapu knew there were times when genius must not be interrupted. And like always, this was one of those moments. Shiouji was hard to handle at the best of times.

The group (aside from Momochi, who was standing dutifully at Kabapu's side) was standing in a cluttered mass, mumbling to themselves and each other. Sumiyoshi took this opportunity. [So what's all this about, then?]

"As a reward for your wonderful work this year, the department will be having a Christmas party." Kabapu puffed on his cigar, waiting for some kind of reaction. The reactions to his announcements were generally `not good', but one can always hope he didn't have to crush his team into submission to actually come to this party.

However, today's announcement was not taken as badly as he had expected.

"PARTY!" Iwata Norikuni cheered. Of course, he took this moment of glee to approach Misaki Matsuya with a sly grin on his face. "Misaki! How about you and me be dates? You know what they say about the office Christmas party! You, me, the back room and-" He was interrupted abruptly by Misaki's slap, sending him halfway across the room, and of course, Ropponmatsu 2 shrieking. "No~! No~! Big Sister needs to go with me~!" Iwata, being so very resilient, started arguing with Ropponmatsu 2 over the whole issue.

Misaki sighed with impatience. "So, sir, what's the catch?"

"The... catch?" Kabapu puff-puffed. Reclining in his chair, he waggled his cigar. "Well, there's no catch, really, just..."

Momochi chimed in from beside him. "We require a Santa Claus, as well as an elf and a reindeer."

"WHAT?" Watanabe cried. "You have got to be KIDDING ME! It's our reward Christmas party and we have to dress up? No WAY!"

Iwata, having stopped arguing with Ropponmatsu 2, elbowed Sumiyoshi in the stomach. "Looks like we got Santa right here, don't we? Ha ha ha!" Sumiyoshi replied by giving him the glare of death. [Yeah, I'll be Santa if he's going to be my elf!]

Watanabe, thinking himself saved from a role, joined in tormenting Iwata. "I can't wait to see you in green tights!"

Iwata grabbed him by the front of his collar. "Okay there, Rudolph. Time to shine up your red nose! I think a black eye would go quite well-"

Kabapu stood, coughing. "Well well, boys. I think that's enough. It's settled then? Sumiyoshi will be our Santa, Iwata our elf, and Watanabe our reindeer. It's really up to you what reindeer you want to be. What were their names again?" He mused as he walked toward the windowed wall. "Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Blitzen... Comet..."

Momochi smiled apologetically, as always. "I think that will be all. December 24th, 6pm, at the Grand Hyatt hotel." She nodded to Sumiyoshi and the others. "Your costumes will be available at the hotel upon your arrival. Thank you so much for your gracious volunteering."

Iwata scoffed. "This is gonna be some great Christmas party, isn't it, Santa?" Sumiyoshi just glared at him.

\---

The conference room that Kabapu had rented for the department's use was as decked out as a room could get for Christmas. A giant tree with almost enough lights to make your eyes water! There were heaps of holly, oodles of garland, and many, many shiny ornaments. Quite a lot, considering the Emergency Countermeasures Department consisted of nine people. Kabapu and Momochi sat at a table opposite the tree.

"Any excuse to spend money, eh?" Iwata hiked up the back of his tights. "These things suck. I can't believe I've gotta wear them! I don't get paid enough for this!" He scowled, but it changed to a devilish grin when Watanabe entered the room. "But nothing's as bad as that red nose over there! Bahaha!" He laughed.

Watanabe started toward Iwata, his hands in fists, but before he could get very far, `Santa' stopped him. [You don't want to be a bad boy, do you? Ho ho ho.] Sumiyoshi trudged over to the large armchair situated by the tree, and the massive heap of gifts underneath.

Misaki, entered after the first three, leading in the two Ropponmatsu. Ropponmatsu 1 was, as always, very quiet, taking in the surroundings. Her younger counterpart, however, was hopping around. "Santa~! Santa~! Santa~!" She stopped abruptly, like a circuit popped inside her mechanical head. "What is Santa, anyway?" She looked to Misaki, to Kabapu, around and around until her eyes settled on the happy man in red. "Sumi-chan~! You're Santa! Tell me about Santa!" She scampered over and hopped in his lap. "Santa! Santa!"

"Whaddya mean, your Master didn't tell you about Santa Claus?" Iwata asked in shock. "You'd think a guy like that would've told you every story in the book about cutesy kid things."

Doctor Shiouji popped his head into the room momentarily. "How dare you say those things about moi? Ahem. Now, come, Yumi-chan! I have presents!" The little girl peeked in the room after him. "Yay!" Exit!

Ropponmatsu 2 sniffed. "Master wants me to discover the world for myself." She stuck her tongue out at Iwata, and turned to Sumiyoshi. "Sumi-chan, please? Santa who?"

[Santa... well, Santa Claus is a big jolly man in red, who gives gifts to all the good little children.] Sumiyoshi shrugged, at a loss for what else to say. [It's supposed to be a Christian thing, but it's mainly about giving gifts here.]

"How does he give the gifts?"

Watanabe sighed, from a spot near the base of the tree. "Duh, he comes down your chimney and leaves them under your tree."

"But... but, that's breaking and entering! BIG SISTER! WE MUST STOP THIS EVIL FIEND-" Ropponmatsu 2 began to shout, cat ears twitching, when Iwata karate chopped her in the head.   
"It doesn't matter, stupid, he's not real!" Smug, Iwata made his way towards the table where Misaki and Ropponmatsu 1 had taken a seat. "Hmph. Now that's taken care of... ladies! Howsabout you and you and me go have a little kiss under the mistletoe?"

A whining sound could now be heard through the room, starting very low. Ropponmatsu 2 ears twitched even more furiously than they were initially. Her eyes were all aglow. "Santa... not real? No gifts? No breaking and entering?" The squeal was gradually getting louder. "Not real... cannot compute..."

Sumiyoshi poked at Ropponmatsu 2's shoulder. [Are you... all right?] His face was growing more and more disturbed. Not only did he have this robot girl on his lap - who was incredibly heavy, as a matter of fact - but also she was acting more and more robotic all the time, which was definitely not Ropponmatsu 2's style. [Did you get water in your electronics or something?]

Doctor Shiouji popped back in again, this time with a look of panic. "What? What did you tell her? Did you keep talking about Santa?" One quick look at Ropponmatsu 2, and his worst fears were answered. "Everyone! Exit the building! Now!"

Nine minus one people have never run so fast out of a building. Even after Sumiyoshi had dumped Ropponmatsu 2 out of his lap.

\---

As the hotel burned in an exploding, fiery mess, Shiouji took that moment to explain the accident. "Never tell a child that Santa Claus is not real. It will crush their dreams, and they will no longer be innocent. Because that is so, I incorporated that into Ropponmatsu 2's design - it was her self destruct mechanism." He sighed. "Do you have any idea how long it will take to rebuild her? Mon dieu."

"Shiouji... you do realize you could have killed us all, bringing her to a Christmas party." Kabapu said, with restrained fury.

"Aaah, but my dear Doctor Kabapu, I thought she would have so much fun. After all, it is the thought that counts!"

Sumiyoshi, who would have been at the heart of that explosion, took a moment to reflect that this year would definitely be the last year he would ever celebrate Christmas ever again.

 

 

 


End file.
